Regulating vs suppressing emotions

As a parent of three, a teacher, spouse and daughter, I often find myself in the midst of strong emotions. Trying to navigate those emotions led me to study emotional regulation vs suppression pretty extensively. I will share with you what I learned over the course of the next few weeks.

When we feel angry or disappointed but instead of yelling and screaming, we can hold our composure, are we regulating or suppressing strong unpleasant emotions? It depends on what happens internally. Emotional regulation is healthy management by acknowledging and understanding feelings to respond thoughtfully. It is the ability to notice, understand, and manage emotions in ways that are healthy, intentional, and aligned with your values. In contrast, emotional suppression is ignoring, minimizing, or pushing the feeling away to appear calm.

👉 Behavior alone doesn’t define regulation. Awareness does.

Suppression of emotions is unhealthy denial, which creates internal buildup and negative long-term effects like stress, disconnection, and outbursts. Unlike regulation which helps you process and move through emotions effectively, suppression of emotions can lead to physical symptoms such as tension of jaw, shoulders or neck. Sounds familiar? Think of regulation as guiding the emotion’s wave, while suppression is trying to stop the wave, which just builds up. Next time when you notice that you feel angry, ask yourself with curiosity: Why is this so triggering for me? Which core value of mine was violated?

One of my clients who took ELI (energy ) assessment showed little to no negative emotions. During the debrief she gained awareness of how she was suppressing the negative emotions she experienced during the painful divorce she went through. The anger, disappointment, pain, hurt, sadness, sense of loss were not acknowledged, and as a result, not released, causing health issues.